Friday, 24 August 2012

Two Weeks From Twenty

Why don't I update this as much as I should?

Because I usually don't have a lot to say, or I forget.
Mainly the latter.


I've been doing a lot of thinking recently.  I turn 20 in 2 weeks, so yeah, that constitutes a reason to start reflecting on what has happened in my life so far.

The answer is a fair bit:
Gaining friends, losing friends, moving, discovery of what interests me, a broken heart, and death to name a few.

A lot of my life has revolved around moving to different places every few years.  When I was younger, I hated doing it.  I didn't want to leave my friends; would I make new friends I kept asking myself?  Now the only thing I don't like about it is picking up and setting down furniture.
 Sure, it does suck leaving friends, especially those whose company I enjoyed.  But over the years, for some friendships, moving has solidified the connection I share with them.

Take my friends in Southampton for example.  When I first left them 6 years ago, I thought I might never see them again.  Such is the life of a then 13 year old.  But over the years, mainly through the rise of social networking, I got back in touch with them.  This helped me decide that I would rather go to college with them, than commute to a Cambridge college where I didn't know anyone at all.  I re-connected with them for 2 years at college, and then proceeded to leave them again to live where I currently am now.  I'm hoping to have a few of them over in a few weeks, which I'm really looking forward to.  The friends of mine I have, and who have kept in contact with me, are ones I will treasure for a long time.

Moving is also one of the reasons I am currently not in a relationship.  That broken heart I mentioned? That, together with the deaths of my Grandma, and Nan, meant I wasn't happy for a while.  Oddly enough, it took the death of my Granddad, and an extraordinary coincidence of my Grandma's ashes being in the place where we lay my Granddad's ashes, a year on, to get me back on my feet.

By the way, holding my Granddad's ashes, which were still warm, scattering them, and having a glass of bubbly, is one of most surrealist moments of my life.  Hasn't been topped in the 3 years since, and I'm not sure if it ever will.  But you never know

Which leads me onto another point: My family, which has always been a constant in my life, particularly my mum, dad and brother, and also my (very large!) extended family.  I feel incredibly lucky that I have such a strong, cohesive family structure, in that we all get along.  I know so many people who don't have the kind of family ties I have, and I find it sad.  I've enjoyed so many great moments with many members of my family, on holidays (New York, Florida, France), to family gatherings and events.

So as I enter my third decade, I look back on these moments, and sometimes feel old, and then I think of Yellowcard (one of my favourite bands), and think about some lyrics in one of their most recent songs:

"They say you don't grow up, you just grow old,"
"It's safe to say I haven't done both,"
"I made mistakes, I know, I know,"
"But here I am alive."

This makes me look forward to what is coming in my life.  The moments of joy, and anguish, that I'll experience.  I say: Bring it.

P.S. Looking back on memories is a key part of a story I'm writing, so I'll update on that at some point.  Stay tuned!