"I've been here a while, staring at the screen wondering what I'll write..."
Yellowcard lyrics ended my last post before I turned 20, might as well start my look back on the last year with Yellowcard lyrics, and again, they make sense. I don't know how to put into a blog post what I've gone through in the past year. But I'm going to give it a try. So here is what I've learnt in the last 12 months:
1. Life is hard
Ridiculously hard. There have been so many bumps in the road, and hedges I've fallen into on the long road that is life that I'm not going to describe them all, it would take too much time. Basically, something major happened in my life in November. My home was flooded. That has been the catalyst for a big look back at every decision I've made, every mistake I've made, every wrong thing I've said to someone, every person who has come into my life and changed it.
There are some things I feel I haven't dealt with in the right way since then, but that is part of life. There are some things, some emotions that, no matter how hard you try and dismiss them, or subdue them, you have no control over. Sometimes they just... are.
Not everything will go the way that you want it to go. You just have to soldier on past all the bad parts that are happening in your life, and concentrate on the good. This comes onto the second thing I've learnt:
2. How much I care about the people I care about
The answer is a huge amount. I've had so much support from family and friends since November that it has been overwhelming at times in terms of emotions. I'm an emotional guy anyway, but I've been pushed over the edge quite a few times. In fact, when I saw friends the other day, I surprised myself by thanking them for all their support, while nearly crying. Luckily, I didn't, or that would have been embarrassing!
My family as well, as ever, have been a constant source of support. I honestly don't know what I would do without them.
It is humbling to know that people are that amazing, and I feel so lucky to know such good people in my life, that I hope to cherish for a long time to come.
So a relatively short post, but one I needed to make. It's helped me release some of the emotions I've built up over the last few months. I remember some words that my old head of year at school said to me on Leaver's Day in 2009:
These are words I've tried to live by for the past 4 years. I was too negative in school for his liking. Sometimes it's worked, sometimes it hasn't. But here's a list of things I'm going to be positive about going forward:
- Life is getting better for me.
- I'm going home soon (hopefully November as of writing).
- I have a trip to Iceland coming up, that is going to be incredible. I'm hopefully going to see the Northern Lights with family, something I've wanted to do for the past few years. I'm super excited for it, and even if I don't see the aurora, I'll still have a good time.
- The woman who will be my wife and mother to my kids will show up in my life at some point in time, probably when I least expect her to I just have to accept it might take a while.
- I graduate in the next year and enter the big wide world. Sure, it might be scary, but I know I'll be OK. I've got some skills that'll help keep me going for a while, and plenty more to learn yet.
- I have great support from friends and family. Seriously, I love you all.
So to everyone (all one of you) reading this, "Be Positive", life will work out in a good way, it just might take a while to get there.
Have a good day :).